Change Ain't Easy

Epiphany while vacuuming 

This morning, while vacuuming my carpets, I was thinking about two very dear friends of mine. I love them, so have them on my mind frequently. While they know about each other, the two haven't yet had the opportunity to meet. Interestingly, both are talking a lot about areas in their lives that they need to change. I agree with them and support the changes they are facing. My vacuum is rather loud, so it drowns out any other sound. It's a good time for me to do thinking. I was mulling over the conversations I've had with these two and of course was formulating solutions and some very sage advise. Then, BAM, I realized I was the one that needed the talking to and that awesome advise should be directed right back at myself!

Energy wasted

Seriously, how often do we spend time judging and fussing over the shortcomings, problems, and challenges of another? Now mind you, I wasn't being mean or judgy about my friends. I was just coming up with a solution or program that I thought would be helpful. But... What would it be like if I turned that energy right back at myself?

As much as my friends love me, I'm 98.5% certain they would kinda, sorta listen to my ideas and then continue on with their own. That's how humans are. For the most part, they are going to do what they have in their minds to do. Using my energy worrying about how to fix their problems is a serious waste of a great mind (mine, of course).

Example is better than a solution

After getting over the shock of the moment (yes, silly I know) and realizing that this was a good thing, it came to me that being an example is much more inspiring than giving someone, even a loved one, a neat and tidy solution. Really, change is not easy. Well, maybe little changes are, like getting a new shade of lipstick or trying a different style of shoes. Breaking out in small ways that are relatively safe is not all that difficult.

We all know that true and lasting change comes from thinking differently. For some, this seems easy. Yet, the core changes we make in our values and beliefs are extremely difficult. All the external pushes and pulls do not make for real change. What does is a new or altered way of thinking. And, that's where I hope to make a difference.

To help my two dear friends, I must help myself. I realize I have to first examine areas that I need fundamental change. There are a few things I need to really work on, And, I'm going to. With prayer, counsel, and determined new thinking, I will set the sail for this new course.

So, here's to spending less time trying to fix and figure for people who really haven't asked for it. I am super excited about this shift in energy. I bet they'll like it, too. They'll probably even ask me how I did it. Then....watch out!

Shine on!

Don't let words and opinions limit your dream. I like this from Mark Twain:

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." ~Mark Twain

I guess what I'm saying this morning is, get rid of limits imposed by yourself, as well as others. You have dreams, ideas, goals. Don't look for the ways you can't, look for the ways you can!

Shine On!

Image Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexandrasnowdon/

Sow generously

Going above and beyond in service and generosity of spirit will always, always have it's rewards. The reverse is also true. Holding back, shorting another, being greedy, will come back with interest. This is one of those beautiful laws of the universe. Remember, what you sow, you will reap! 

Sow generously today! 

Image source: Jay Roeder

Some days you just gotta jump

"Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at the sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground." ~Zora Neale Hurston

Waiting for perfect conditions to take flight? Sure, once in a while the absolute perfect day happens. However, most are just average days with average conditions. Go ahead, take a leap, make things happen on this Monday. Who knows what you'll encounter! 

God bless closed doors

"When one door is closed, don't you know, another is open." ~Bob Marley

I read something the other day that said the devil always comes looking good.

Oh boy, did that ever hit home as I recalled the few amazing guys, the dream jobs, and the really great opportunities that, upon closer examination, were not what they initially appeared to be. When I apply my rational judgment to one of these marauders, the veneer makes sense. Why would the devil (aka guy, job, opportunity) come looking evil and menacing? Of course not, the disguise is the hook!

Yet, how often do I actually use the piercing logic of mine, that skeptical part of my brain, when I really, really want what I see? Rationalizing and yearning set in. I just know it's Divine Intervention. Maybe it's that I'm finally getting what I deserve. Or, the power of my intentions is so keen I'm manifesting my dreams.

Admittedly, it's kind of pathetic.

There were times when I pushed and pushed at the door to one of these bad situations. And, after much effort, the door opened. Throwing caution and good counsel to the wind, I eagerly walked through, only to lament my foolish actions. Wishing that I had seen what was behind said beautiful door, I rued the day I committed to that path.

There were also times when I pursued a seemingly beautiful thing. Even after using all of my skills, powers of persuasion, or whatever good thing I possess, it wasn't mine to have. When the door didn't open to me, I chose to accept that it wasn't a good option. Yet, silly me, I pined and pined that it wasn't going to be mine

Oh, for goodness sake! What a waste of time. You'd think I would've learned by now that a closed door is more often than not a blessing! Seriously, just about every time I look back I see how the devil (yes...guy, job, opportunity) would have hurt me in some way.

The closed door was my protection.

To pursue a dream requires certain necessary steps to make things happen. It often means knocking, yes even pushing, at closed doors. Yet, it's a wise person who looks at those beautiful, closed doors and examines them for what they might really be.

How does one know when to push forward and when to pursue another course? Try these:

• Seek the counsel of those who've gone before you. Talk with mentors and advisers. It's always a smart idea to piggy-back on the efforts of those who have already done the hard work. They know the pitfalls and what's behind the door. Listen to these wise ones.
• Spend time in quiet reflection, pray, or meditate. Do you connect with a Higher Power? Examine your reasons for wanting that beautiful thing. Ask for direction and clarification. Listen to what is given to you.
• Find an objective source that isn't influenced by their feelings. Counselors, coaches and consultants are trained to examine facts when facilitating goal actualization. They will also help you see your blind spots. Listen to their rational advise.

When a door stays closed, bless it and move on remembering that the devil always looks good and maybe this was one of those times. And, when that new door appears and is opened wide, you can be grateful you left the closed one behind.

You might also enjoy these : A State of Acceptance and Yay for New Doors! 

Gals, you, too, can make it happen!

Have you ever asked yourself, "If I keep on the way I'm going, will I get where I want to be?" Yeah for you if the answer is yes. For many, the answer is probably not. The number one reason for many women is that they haven't set their own goals and priorities. The wants and needs of others drive them.

Here are some additional reasons why women hesitate to set goals:

• They are not convinced of the value of goals
• They are so busy coping there is no time to think about goals
• Goals imply commitment to action
• Women are busy helping others reach their goals
• They fear they'll fail to reach goals
• They fear they'll succeed
• They don't know how to set goals

Which of the above apply to you? Are you willing to work on overcoming your obstacles? To get where you want to go, you must set your own goals and priorities. Then plan your day with these priorities in mind. Learn to say "no" to requests that are incompatible with these objectives.

When setting goals, you must make them specific, motivating, measurable, attainable, realistic, and have a specific timeframe. What would a goal look like with these attributes? Say you want to loose weight for your high school reunion. Your goal statement might look like this: "My goal is to loose 15 pounds. I will look great and feel good when reuniting with my old friends. I will be a size smaller, so will need to buy new clothes. This goal is within reach because I know how to cut back on my food intake and can fit in 20 minutes a day of exercise. Fifteen pounds is a reasonable weight loss because I have six months before the event."

Goals are necessary both at work and in your personal life. Top priorities are those activities or projects that move you toward your goals. A good question to ask is, "If only one thing could be done today, which activity would be the most important?" Set this as your top priority. Then, if only one additional thing can be done, what is next in importance? Prioritize according to importance, not ease of completion.

You may be waiting until requests from others come in before organizing your day. Then, you schedule your important activities in to the time you have left. A better way to organize is to block out time on your calendar for vital projects and protect those times. Then schedule appointments for the remainder of the time. It is important to occasionally take a timeout to see if you're going where you want to. 

Take time to make time

How often do you start your week choosing to implement great ideas and big plans, only to spend your time in a state of disarray because of crisis situations created by others?

Maybe one of these look familiar:

• You have a great plan to expand your business, say open another store or office. But, hiring and firing staff, putting out fires seems to be all you can do. Your people are constantly knocking on the door with an emergency that only you can fix. There's just not enough time!
• You know you need to take care of paperwork for your taxes or maybe it's that an audit is looming in the near future. But, your clients are so needy. They are constantly calling on you for something. They are your bread and butter, so you can't put them off. But, when can you ever get to the part of your job that always seems to come last? There's just not enough time!
• Homework, lunches, practices - all are things you do for your kids because you love them. Your days and nights are filled with doing, doing, doing. When could you ever take the class at the gym you think about? How could you actually use the college degree you earned by creating a small business?  There's just not enough time!

There are all sorts of ways we could look at these situations. But, let me give you one good tip for today: Take time to make time. Yes, that's right. It's like investing money to make money. You don't just get more money by doing what you're already doing. The same is true with your time. By setting aside specific, planned time to accomplish what is really important to you, you will create time. 

Let's get out your calendar (oh, you don't have one? get one!) Look at your day or your week. Block off an hour a day, or two mornings each week, or a day a week, to specifically work on your goals. By blocking off this time, it means blocking out everything that doesn't have to do with completing the goal. This means:

• No phone interruptions - don't answer the phone! You have voice mail. They can leave a message. If you are in a situation where there may be true emergencies, then provide a means for contact if they really, really is an emergency. Plan ahead what the definition of an emergency is and stick to it.
• No email, Facebook, internet - staff off the computer. If you need the computer to complete your goal, then very carefully guard yourself. Don't even log onto sites that are not completely necessary to your task.
• Block your access - tell your people your people ahead of time that you're not available during the block out times. If you have to, put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on your door. Again, if there are true emergencies, make provision before hand.

Warning! Taking this time will feel strange to both you and to your interrupters! Changing your availability will be an adjustment for everyone. Expect resistance. Stick with it. Be firm. If you let one or two slip in, then you've established a weak boundary. 

Taking this time will pay off in a huge way! I promise. Do you need help organizing and goal-setting? Please give me 30 minutes to chat with you to talk about ways Shine Consulting can ease the load. Drop me a line at sahepler@gmail.com and we will set up a time to visit.