Shine on!

Don't let words and opinions limit your dream. I like this from Mark Twain:

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." ~Mark Twain

I guess what I'm saying this morning is, get rid of limits imposed by yourself, as well as others. You have dreams, ideas, goals. Don't look for the ways you can't, look for the ways you can!

Shine On!

Image Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexandrasnowdon/

Dig into your future

Have you ever thought about what it really means to claim the future? Yes, you have aspirations, goals, and dreams. But, do you actually lay your hands on them and see them as reality right now?

A mountain climber plants his climbing hammer into the next step and pulls himself into the assent. He doesn't say as he goes along, "someday I'm going to climb that mountain." No! He IS climbing the mountain. Bear with me here. Each step, each push, every pull he has the full knowledge that he is conquering the climb.

It is a powerful thing when you approach your life like this, knowing that you ARE realizing your future. Something changes inside when you move from thinking about a thing, to actually claiming and living in a thing. Owning the goal now, digging into it, creates a reality that somehow bends reality and time.

When you can know you are living your goals and dreams, rather than just thinking and wishing them, you make them real...today!

Is there something you dream to be or to achieve, but don't know how to go after it? SHINE Consulting can help you plant yourself in your goals, dig into your future! 

Some days you just gotta jump

"Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at the sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground." ~Zora Neale Hurston

Waiting for perfect conditions to take flight? Sure, once in a while the absolute perfect day happens. However, most are just average days with average conditions. Go ahead, take a leap, make things happen on this Monday. Who knows what you'll encounter! 

Loving your gifts and talents

Lately, I've been reading and hearing so much talk about loving yourself -- that it's the first step to loving others, it's the only way to truly be happy in life, and, our success in our jobs and relationships depends on it.

But, what does it mean to love one's self? Some of us have so much bad that's been piled on us from broken childhoods, toxic marriages, demeaning work experiences, and a host of other damaging experiences, that the concept of loving our self seems crazy!

Greedy people suck, literally

First of all, let's say what loving one's self is not. It's not about putting yourself and your needs above or at the expense of another. That isn't love. That's selfishness. Having a greedy attitude with money, attention, power, or any other resource comes from a sense of neediness. And, neediness is not self-loving. Sucking the life out of others is most assuredly not loving others or oneself.

The martyr gives it all away

Also, playing the sacrificial lamb is not self love. Giving away your dreams, position, opinions or any other personal expression is denying yourself of joy and accomplishment. You wouldn't do this to your best friend or someone you cherish. Why would you think to do this to yourself? Never give your life force away without giving to yourself at the same time.

Loving your gifts and talents

Loving yourself, right this very moment, means celebrating the very essence of who you are. The God-created spirit who moves on the earth, who has been formed with gifts and talents built into your very DNA. It's pretty amazing when we think about it; we have ideas, inspirations, dreams, and adventures embedded in us. They are unique, too! Every single one of us has something to offer mankind that only we can deliver.

How does that translate to loving ourselves? 

When you have an innovative approach to how you or your employer does work, finding a way to honor that is loving yourself. When you speak your truth about a subject you know well, you love yourself. When you celebrate your ability to delegate, organize, inspire, envision, nurture or create, you love yourself. Hopefully, you get the picture here -- honoring your uniqueness, acknowledging your gifts and talents, all equate to loving yourself.

What if you don't know those good things

Some of us have been so busy with our noses to the grindstone doing the job or taking care of others, that we have lost the connection to who we are, what our gifts and talents are, and how to live our purpose. You might say that you don't have time for all of this esoteric, touchy-feely stuff. Okay. But, what if I told you by getting to know and love your core self you'd be a more productive business owner/parent/spouse, that you would have more energy, and people would respond to you differently, you probably would take the time, wouldn't you?

Most of us don't do this kind of work well on our own. Some of you think you do, however our blind spots, hurts, and beliefs almost always get in our way. I suggest that you invest in yourself by taking some time with a counselor, coach or consultant. These are professionals trained to help you mine the nuggets of gold deep inside of you.

And, once you know and own those nuggets, you can begin to love your gifts and talents!

Having "that" conversation

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about why key conversations are so hard for most people. We all know "that" talk you have with someone that you dread, those talks that seem confrontational or tend to be emotional. 

Here are a few tips to have in mind that will keep these difficult conversations manageable:

Steer clear of combat mode
When difficult conversations turn toxic, it's often because we've made a key mistake: we've fallen into a combat mindset. You set up a winner and a loser; who's going to win? Well, you hope it's you! In reality, when this happens, everyone loses. The real enemy is your combat approach.

Its complicated
Think about it, if what you need to talk about was easy, you probably wouldn’t even be worried about the conversation. It’s because there’s a lot going on that you need this chat. Don’t over simplify a bunch of things and ball them up into one little conversation. Remember that if it was simple you wouldn’t be having this conversation. Complicated is ok; just remind yourself of that!

Give a little respect
Respect the person you’re talking to. Respect the problem you're trying to resolve. And, respect yourself. Making sure that you respond in a way you can later be proud of will prevent you from being thrown off course if your counterpart isn't seeing the situation the same way you are.

State what your really want
Fear, anger, embarrassment, defensiveness – any number of unpleasant feelings can course through us during a conversation we'd rather not have. Some of us react by confronting more aggressively; others, by rushing to smooth things over. We might even see-saw between both counterproductive poles. Instead, move to the middle: state what you really want. The tough emotions won't evaporate. But with practice, you will learn to focus on the outcome you want in spite of them.

Avoid taking the bait
Every one has a weak spot. And when someone finds ours – whether inadvertently, with a stray arrow, or because he is hoping to hurt us – it becomes even harder to stay out of the combat mentality. Whatever it is, take the time to learn what hooks you. Just knowing where you're vulnerable will help you stay in control when someone pokes you there.

Get rid of the script
If we're sure a conversation is going to be tough, it's instinctive to rehearse what we'll say. But a difficult conversation is not a performance, with an actor and an audience. Once you've started the discussion, your counterpart could react in any number of ways – and having a "script" in mind will hamper your ability to listen effectively and react accordingly. Instead, prepare by asking yourself: 1. What is the problem? 2. What would my counterpart say the problem is? 3. What's my preferred outcome? 4. What's my preferred working relationship with my counterpart? 

You know what they say about assumptions
We tend to forget that we don't have access to anyone's intentions but our own. Remember that you and your counterpart are both dealing with this ambiguity. If you get stuck, a handy phrase to remember is, "I'm realizing as we talk that I don't fully understand how you see this problem." Admitting what you don't know can be a powerful way to get a conversation back on track.

Keep sight of the goal
Go into conversations with a clear, realistic preferred outcome. Remember how you want your relationship with your counterpart to be. Think carefully about any obstacles that could interfere with either the outcome or the relationship. Remember, "winning" is not a realistic outcome. By doing so, you'll be less likely to get thrown off course by either thwarting ploys or your own emotions.

When we're caught off-guard, we're more likely to fall back into old, ineffective habits like the combat mentality. If you're not the one initiating the tough conversation, or if a problem erupts out of nowhere, stick to these basics:

content clear
tone neutral
phrasing temperate

When disagreements flare, you'll be more likely to navigate to a productive outcome – and emerge with your reputation intact.

My thoughts were based on Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them by Holly Weeks.

Boost your confidence

Nervous about speaking your mind? Afraid to go after what you want? Don't let self-doubt keep you from your goals. Place value on who you are and what you do, and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Here are a couple of quick tips to help you step boldly:

First, recognize negative inner thoughts. Confidence begins with a positive self-image. What you think of yourself affects how you feel. And how you act. So get rid of your inner critic and replace her with an inner cheering section.

Easier said than done, you say? Not really. To turn negative self-thoughts positive, take stock of your qualities and achievements. Give yourself more credit and make it a habit.

  

Let go of pessimistic people who drag you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic friends who can build you up.

Seek structured support groups through church, classes, volunteer work. These formal settings will make you feel more capable.

Give your confidence a boost with these simple changes. Go ahead, you can do it!