This week we are looking at different aspects of relationship boundaries, both in our personal lives and in the work place. Thus far I have shared thoughts about saying no to relationships that are not reciprocal in Clinging to Crumbs, Dreaming of Cake, and learning how to take care of yourself in Don't Hate Me if I Say No! On this bright Wednesday morning, I'd like you to take a minute to think about the words you use with those who you work and live with. Are you using positive reinforcement?
There is an unwavering rule in my house: "stupid" and "shut up" are bad words and we are never to use them on one another. Think about it. How do you feel when you hear these words? I certainly don't feel positive, heard, or valued when someone directs them at me.
|Your Words Are Powerful|
What about the Debbie Downer in the crowd. She's the one that hates this and hates that. She says she never has enough time, money, nice things, behaved children, whatever. She complains that she's too fat, tired, busy. All that negativity makes her no fun to be around.
One of men's biggest complaints about women is that they nag. "You don't ever..." "You're so sloppy, lazy, late..." "When was the last time you...." Ouch! Seriously, what guy wants to snuggle up to someone who talks this way! It's amazing how words impact us
Pay attention to how you feel when certain words are used. Do you feel confident, positive, and hopeful when you speak? Even in a negative situation, positive words can be used. For example, you're sick with a cold, your head is stuffy, and your temperature is a bit high. How can you sound positive when you feel horrible? You can! When asked how you're feeling, try saying something such as, "I'm sure looking forward to feeling like my old self again." It's much better than muttering that you are miserable and want to die.
Use this approach when talking to others. What about giving feedback to your girlfriend when she's late yet again. You're frustrated, annoyed, and disappointed. If you use shaming words, it's a pretty certain bet your fun event will be iced over with hurt feelings. But it is important that you address the situation. Here's a suggestion: Tell her you appreciate it when she's on time. That it helps you relax and guarantees a good attitude on your part.
Does all of this positivity sound silly? Maybe. But, positive words uplift and establish a powerful sense of well-being. Doesn't everyone want to feel this?
I borrowed the following lists of words from Every Word Has Power by Yvonne Oswald. One is a list of words to remove from your language. The other list of words are optimistic, high energy words. Don't limit yourself to these lists! There are many, many more words that can be added to both.
Avoid using these Negative Power words:
Afraid Angry Anxiety Bad Blocked Bottom Broke Cheap Cheat Control Criticize Dark Difficult Disease Disempower Doubt Down Envy Expensive Failure Fear Forget Guilt Hard Hate Idiot Ill Lazy Lose/loser Mean Nasty Old Poor Problem Putdown Rage Reaction Reduce Rule Sad Separate Shame Sick Small Sorrow Stupid Sue Trying War Weak Worry
Use these Positive Power words:
Achieve Baby Beautiful Believe Choose/choice Dream Easy Energy Enthusiasm Family Father Feel Free Funny Future God Happy Harmony Heart Humor Improve Knowledge Mom Money New Please Popular Positive Profit Release Results Safety Sexy Smart Success Sweet Thanks Top Unique
Using words for the positive is so powerful! Try switching out the negative words from your vocabulary. Get creative and find ways to only use positive, impactful words. You'll be surprised how you feel and I guarantee those around you will appreciate the shift.