Love: Her Secret Business Ingredient

Celeste Shaw

Co-Editor-in-Chief at Flea Market Style Magazine, Owner at Lucky Vintage and Pretty Things,
and Owner at Chaps Diner and Bakery

People crave my friend 

Really, they actually crave her. Men, women, and children - all can't get enough of Celeste. They cling to her like tacks on a magnet. They eagerly purchase her services, gobbling up everything in sight. And, after just a moment with her, they leave with big smiles on their faces.

Sure, she's pretty and trendy. There's always a fun vibe happening when she's around. But, that's not it. That's not what people are drawn to. There's something that emanates from her that people want to soak up.

It's love, baby!

Love is Celeste's secret business ingredient. One feels it when she puts her hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eye. Her face, her attention, is on you. You know she sees only you. When she holds you in a hug that's just a wee bit longer than most, you know you're treasured. Her love isn't limited to hugs and smiles. It's not all soft and sweetness. Love is the nuts-and-bolts that she uses to build her business.

That ain't love

You know when you've stepped into a business and you're not feeling the love. Like when you get that sense everyone is being herded along, as if you were one of many cattle. Next! Certainly it isn't love that you're getting when you've just spent a whole lot of money and you aren't quite sure what exactly you just purchased. Huh? How about that fake smile that drops when you don't buy? Ugh. Hovering, pushy sales people put off a lot of vibes, but I don't think love is one of them. As a customer, you know when it's not there.

Love is the secret

As a business owner Celeste knows that everyone needs to be acknowledged; all of us need attention and affirmation. She also knows people desperately want security and trustworthiness, so she extends love by providing products and services that are reliable, consistent, and fair. When Celeste greets a client she doesn't secretly see only dollar signs. She sees them as a member of her community, which to her is an extension of her family. Each is a person worthy of being treated with dignity and care. Giving love in this way doesn't cost Celeste anything. Whether her customers actually recognize it or not, they are feeling the love. And, they keep coming back for me. They crave it.

Shouldn't this be the way we treat all the people who we rely on to give us business?

If your business is suffering, if it isn't blooming like it should, try this. Step away from the bottom line for a bit. Take your focus off your profit. Rather, put in extra effort to treat your clients with attention and care. Give service that projects assurance and generates trust. Try love as your secret business ingredient.

Gratitude Attitude

How grateful are your words? Do you tell others how much you appreciate their efforts, their talents, their smiles? Being grateful on the inside is good, being grateful on the outside is excellent!

Change Ain't Easy

Epiphany while vacuuming 

This morning, while vacuuming my carpets, I was thinking about two very dear friends of mine. I love them, so have them on my mind frequently. While they know about each other, the two haven't yet had the opportunity to meet. Interestingly, both are talking a lot about areas in their lives that they need to change. I agree with them and support the changes they are facing. My vacuum is rather loud, so it drowns out any other sound. It's a good time for me to do thinking. I was mulling over the conversations I've had with these two and of course was formulating solutions and some very sage advise. Then, BAM, I realized I was the one that needed the talking to and that awesome advise should be directed right back at myself!

Energy wasted

Seriously, how often do we spend time judging and fussing over the shortcomings, problems, and challenges of another? Now mind you, I wasn't being mean or judgy about my friends. I was just coming up with a solution or program that I thought would be helpful. But... What would it be like if I turned that energy right back at myself?

As much as my friends love me, I'm 98.5% certain they would kinda, sorta listen to my ideas and then continue on with their own. That's how humans are. For the most part, they are going to do what they have in their minds to do. Using my energy worrying about how to fix their problems is a serious waste of a great mind (mine, of course).

Example is better than a solution

After getting over the shock of the moment (yes, silly I know) and realizing that this was a good thing, it came to me that being an example is much more inspiring than giving someone, even a loved one, a neat and tidy solution. Really, change is not easy. Well, maybe little changes are, like getting a new shade of lipstick or trying a different style of shoes. Breaking out in small ways that are relatively safe is not all that difficult.

We all know that true and lasting change comes from thinking differently. For some, this seems easy. Yet, the core changes we make in our values and beliefs are extremely difficult. All the external pushes and pulls do not make for real change. What does is a new or altered way of thinking. And, that's where I hope to make a difference.

To help my two dear friends, I must help myself. I realize I have to first examine areas that I need fundamental change. There are a few things I need to really work on, And, I'm going to. With prayer, counsel, and determined new thinking, I will set the sail for this new course.

So, here's to spending less time trying to fix and figure for people who really haven't asked for it. I am super excited about this shift in energy. I bet they'll like it, too. They'll probably even ask me how I did it. Then....watch out!

Your words have great power.

Here's an excellent way to start the week. Remember Miguel Ruiz's points from The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Image Source: Karen Salmonsohn

Trust...

Trust is a fragile thing, easily shattered and difficult to repair. Be careful with those who place their trust in you. It's a worthy responsibility!

Image source: http://daves-words-of-wisdom.blogspot.co.uk/

What is your influence score?

"Respect is how to treat everyone, not just those you want to impress." 

~Richard Branson

Yesterday my friend and colleague Karen Keller asked me to take a survey. She's collecting data for her study on influence. Going through the process was an interesting experience. I had to rate myself in qualities such as trustworthiness, positive attitude, listening, the ability to take risks, and such. 

For providing Karen with my information, I am promised that I will receive an in-depth report that will rate my overall potential to influence, scores for each of my influence traits, an explanation of the scores and what they mean, improvement areas, blind spots, and recommendations for increasing overall influence. Great! I'm all for learning more about myself.

Initially, I zipped through the questions, thinking it was a simple exercise  As the questions progressed, I realized I had some serious thoughts about influence and what a responsibility it is. My reflections turned to the people who have influenced me through the years. Some where considered to be powerful influencers due to their leadership skills and other successes. Others made an impression just by being kind and available. 

I then thought about those that use gossip, social pressure, position, and bravado to influence. They use these as a means to get clients, peers, employees, and business associates to conform. Hmmmm. Sometimes it really works, helping them to become financially successful or climb to a position of power. But, for how long? Often these influencers cover their motivation with smiles and compliments, promising great things.

But in the end, whether they want to believe it or not, their ethics and morals shine through to others. 

When I finished the survey, I realized that for good or not so good, what's in one's heart, one's true motivation, doesn't stay hidden. I am looking forward to my results. Well, kind of. Like most people, I want to see high scores for being amazing. Yet, the most useful thing I can take from this experience is the revelation of what needs to change. 

If you are a leader, business owner, professional, or executive and are interested in participating in Dr. Karen Keller's work, go to http://influenceindicator.com/user/register. Username: influence and Password: survey.

Here's a little bit about Dr. Keller:

Karen Keller, Ph. D. is the Influence It! Life Coach for women and creator of the website Real Power For Women Who Want It. Unlike other psychologists, Karen is also a Master Certified Coach and the only modern-day teacher of Influence as a way of inner thinking and being…then ultimately doing for having more of what you (really) want. Her first book, "Stepping Stones to Success: Experts Share Strategies For Mastering Business, Life & Relationships" with Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, and Denis Waitley was published in 2010.

As I said, I'm looking forward to my report. How about you? What is your influence score? 

Being used up for a purpose

"This is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~George Bernard Shaw

Words that work magic

“One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind.” ~Malayan Proverb

Prints of this great reminder are available here: http://www.etsy.com/listing/66287671/please-thank-you-print-1

Lead by stepping aside

“Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

A healthy reminder today that sometimes we are the only thing standing in the way of getting the important jobs done. Today, set aside thoughts of "it's all about me" and replace them with how "can I build up another." This is the surest way to engage others in the business at hand.

image source: http://iloveprettypinkthings.tumblr.com/post/17418484000

5 Good Reasons to Stop Yelling

"If you're yelling you're the one who's lost control of the conversation." ~Taylor Swift

Early the other morning I was out walking my dog. As we came along side a nearby golf course, I heard cursing at a high volume. Holy Guacamole, the line-up of descriptive words a crew boss was laying on a young kid about his lack of intelligence was quite colorful. It made me anxious, to say the least.

Listening to the berating language brought back memories of yelling bosses from my past. They may have had some great qualities, but I sure can't remember them. All I remember was what a jerk they were and how bad it made me feel.

Why do bosses yell at their workers?

For some people yelling has become a habit. They simply don't realize they do it. For others, they shamefully acknowledge that they lose control and feel badly once they've cooled down. I know of a few that believe it's actually good for their people, using an athletic coach approach to managing their team.

Almost always a boss climbs up and down an employee out of frustration. There are a few out there who bully and repress employees out of a mean spirit. However, in working with hundreds of managers and supervisors, I can confidently state that it's one of these - irritation, disturbance, annoyance, vexation, exasperation, infuriation, weariness, disappointment, aggravation - all words for being frustrated.

5 good reasons to stop yelling

Popping one's top doesn't make the problem go away. In fact, it makes things worse. More than just bruising employee's feelings, yelling messes with people and their ability to work. It lessens productivity. Which means a lower bottom fiscal line for your business. When you yell it can have the following effects:

1. Employees get sick. Literally. Research conducted by Duke University demonstrates that the stress of being subjected to hostility lowers the immune system. By constantly yelling at your staff, you are creating more sick leave and lower productivity.
2. Your people get dumber, not smarter. Studies in neuroscience show that when an employee feels their job is threatened, it triggers the flight-or-fight mechanism. This impairs analytic thinking, creative insight, and problem solving. Yelling at them is a sure-fire way to put their spark out.
3. Moral nosedives. Perceived hostility affects productivity and shuts down enthusiasm. Time is wasted with negative talk at the water cooler. And, once the situation is recognized, it takes a lot of time and effort to heal those battle wounds
4. Resentment and sabotage. Yelling can be taken as a personal affront (which it usually is), and   resentment may build to destructive behaviors. People can get creative when they're angry. Anything from work stoppages to stealing to destroying equipment. All are forms of getting even.
5. It's not a good way to get promoted. We all know it's not professional  If you want to be the next candidate on the promotion list, use your powers of persuasion and empowerment to get people to do their work. Bad behavior is rarely rewarded with a promotion.

How can you break the yelling habit?

Yelling, screaming, berating - whatever you call it, is a managerial tool that just doesn't work. It will take effort and self-control to back out of the position of being frustrated. Place your focus on yourself. Analyze the reasons you're at the yelling point. In the process, ask if there are things you should have done to eliminate the problem. Check to see if you've clearly (not yelling) stated what you expect, including how and when you want things done. Ask yourself if your people have the tools, time, skills to perform to your expectations. 

Want to take it a step further?

Here's a managerial tool you might want to add to your tool belt. This is a book from my library that I highly recommend. Crucial Confrontations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler. The authors show you how to achieve personal, team, and organizational success by healing broken promises, resolving violated expectations, and influencing good behavior. "Crucial Confrontations" teaches skills drawn from 10,000 hours of real-life observations to increase confidence in facing employee issues.

Really, there are countless reasons to stop yelling in the work place. Let's start by being patient. Patient with your people, and with yourself. At the end of the day, you and your staff will feel a whole lot better about the  work you're doing together. 

You might find a few more nuggets of gold in these posts as well: Happy Employees and  You Have the Power

Hiring: It's a good thing!

"When I'm hiring a cook for one of my restaurants, and I want to see what they can do, I usually ask them to make me an omelet." ~Bobby Flay

You're in a bind. Business has grown beautifully, but there's too much work for your team. Everyone is doing their best, but it's overwhelming. Especially for you. You need help ASAP! 

Don't grab the first person with a pulse. I promise, the troubles you'll have in the future for poor planning far, far outweigh taking time to hire properly.

Hiring the right person for your position is like bringing in an extension of yourself to do the work you can't do alone. How do you make sure you're going to employ someone who will fulfill your expectations and get things done the right way? Let's take a look: 

There is a lot of work to do before you expand your workforce 

Question if you actually need a new position - Before you get started, make certain you are financially able to support an additional employee. Also, analyse your current team. Are they being assigned efficiently and are their talents and skills being utilized to the fullest?

Know exactly what you need - Take time to identify the job's essential functions. Then, note the key performance criteria. Are there specific skills and talents required to perform this work?

Formalize a job description. - Detail the specifics of the position based on the essential functions, performance criteria, and specialized considerations.

How much should you pay? - Do your research and base this decision on internal and external comparisons. One must ask if is the salary is competitive with the salaries and responsibilities of other positions inside your company, as well as similar positions out in the marketplace.

Attract qualified applicants - If you don't have a protocol for recruiting, utilize a recruiter  They will know the techniques of attracting and hiring the right person. Remember, advertising is not the only way to recruit.

Collecting and reviewing - Finally, this is the last preparation step. Once you have a good selection of candidates to choose from, begin selecting the most qualified people for further consideration. 

After clearly identifying what you need, you can now interview for the perfect match

The interview - Interview at least three qualified candidates. Interview the candidates three times. And, have three people evaluate the candidates. This may seem intense. However, hiring tough and never lowering your standards will allow you to manage easy. 

Select the most qualified candidate - That may seem obvious, however selecting person solely because you like them or because they really, really need a job is not being objective. Make your selection based on the person's proven skills and experience that has prepared them to meet the requirements of the job description.

References matter - Always, always take time to check references before making a job offer. You never know what will pop up.

Hire the "right" person - After going through all of these objective and important steps, and you've done your homework, you should have a very clear idea of who's right for the job and will be a good fit with the team.. Now, go with your gut and offer them the position.

Congratulations! Hiring, it's a good thing! 

If you find you don't have the time or ability to conduct a thorough hiring process, SHINE Consulting is here to help you hire the right people. Just give us a call or connect via email  at sahepler@gmail.com. 

What are your thoughts on gossip?

I have a friend who just can't wait to share the next juicy bit of scandal about people we know. Sometimes, I have to admit, it's wildly interesting and amazing! Then, I remember how it feels to be the subject of such conversations. Ouch!

Gossip is killing

A few weeks back, my pastor delivered a word about gossip. She pointed out that according to several biblical references, gossip (or backbiting) is as offensive as murder! And, is it not a form of murder? After all, spreading dirt or scandal about another is in essence killing the subject's reputation.

Whether one is whispering a little tidbit about the neighbor or engaging in a salacious smear campaign, talking about another behind their back is demeaning and does not allow the opportunity for defense. We certainly wouldn't do that in a court of law; that is, prosecute without representation. But, we do it everyday to those who we work with and who live in our communities.

Why do we engage in this kind of talk? There must be some powerful stuff there, as we spend all sorts of money on gossip magazines and watch hours of it on television. What is it that keeps us coming back for more?

Knowledge is Power

I've observed that it is powerful stuff to be the first to know something about another. Nobody likes being in the dark. If you don't know, and I do, then I have one up on you. This goes across the board from girlfriends to the evening news.

There are many studies about why people engage in gossip and what the negative consequences are. As a society, we really do know that it is destructive. But, in reality, it is a way of life for many. What should you do when the notorious gossiper says, "I heard it by the grapevine...?"

Stop the smack talk

Try one of these tactics, they are a sure fire way to stop the scandalmonger in their tracks:

• Find positive ways of sharing with others things that don't require talking negatively about the victim.
• Ask for verification when you are told something about another person. Trusting that what is said is true without challenging it's authenticity, makes you a partner in perpetuating gossip.
• If you hear damaging or harmful talk, refuse to listen and politely attempt to stop the speaker.
• Ask the gossiper if they have anything positive to say about the person they are criticizing.

When we honor others with our words, we live with dignity and without repute. Seriously, classy women (and men!) don't gossip!

Do you have a policy in place addressing talking about others? Backbiting is destructive in the work place. Think about it...and then let your people know what your standards and expectations are.

Having "that" conversation

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about why key conversations are so hard for most people. We all know "that" talk you have with someone that you dread, those talks that seem confrontational or tend to be emotional. 

Here are a few tips to have in mind that will keep these difficult conversations manageable:

Steer clear of combat mode
When difficult conversations turn toxic, it's often because we've made a key mistake: we've fallen into a combat mindset. You set up a winner and a loser; who's going to win? Well, you hope it's you! In reality, when this happens, everyone loses. The real enemy is your combat approach.

Its complicated
Think about it, if what you need to talk about was easy, you probably wouldn’t even be worried about the conversation. It’s because there’s a lot going on that you need this chat. Don’t over simplify a bunch of things and ball them up into one little conversation. Remember that if it was simple you wouldn’t be having this conversation. Complicated is ok; just remind yourself of that!

Give a little respect
Respect the person you’re talking to. Respect the problem you're trying to resolve. And, respect yourself. Making sure that you respond in a way you can later be proud of will prevent you from being thrown off course if your counterpart isn't seeing the situation the same way you are.

State what your really want
Fear, anger, embarrassment, defensiveness – any number of unpleasant feelings can course through us during a conversation we'd rather not have. Some of us react by confronting more aggressively; others, by rushing to smooth things over. We might even see-saw between both counterproductive poles. Instead, move to the middle: state what you really want. The tough emotions won't evaporate. But with practice, you will learn to focus on the outcome you want in spite of them.

Avoid taking the bait
Every one has a weak spot. And when someone finds ours – whether inadvertently, with a stray arrow, or because he is hoping to hurt us – it becomes even harder to stay out of the combat mentality. Whatever it is, take the time to learn what hooks you. Just knowing where you're vulnerable will help you stay in control when someone pokes you there.

Get rid of the script
If we're sure a conversation is going to be tough, it's instinctive to rehearse what we'll say. But a difficult conversation is not a performance, with an actor and an audience. Once you've started the discussion, your counterpart could react in any number of ways – and having a "script" in mind will hamper your ability to listen effectively and react accordingly. Instead, prepare by asking yourself: 1. What is the problem? 2. What would my counterpart say the problem is? 3. What's my preferred outcome? 4. What's my preferred working relationship with my counterpart? 

You know what they say about assumptions
We tend to forget that we don't have access to anyone's intentions but our own. Remember that you and your counterpart are both dealing with this ambiguity. If you get stuck, a handy phrase to remember is, "I'm realizing as we talk that I don't fully understand how you see this problem." Admitting what you don't know can be a powerful way to get a conversation back on track.

Keep sight of the goal
Go into conversations with a clear, realistic preferred outcome. Remember how you want your relationship with your counterpart to be. Think carefully about any obstacles that could interfere with either the outcome or the relationship. Remember, "winning" is not a realistic outcome. By doing so, you'll be less likely to get thrown off course by either thwarting ploys or your own emotions.

When we're caught off-guard, we're more likely to fall back into old, ineffective habits like the combat mentality. If you're not the one initiating the tough conversation, or if a problem erupts out of nowhere, stick to these basics:

content clear
tone neutral
phrasing temperate

When disagreements flare, you'll be more likely to navigate to a productive outcome – and emerge with your reputation intact.

My thoughts were based on Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them by Holly Weeks.

Happy employees

This morning I was chatting with the cashier at my local grocery. I learned that she recently transferred from another store. I asked her if she liked the move and she said she loved it. She then told me that her commute changed from 5 minutes to 60 minutes. What? Why would she do such a thing, I asked. Because she wanted to work for her favorite manager, she said. He was the best boss she's ever had and she was willing to drive two hours a day to work for him.

Wow! That says so much about that manager. What makes happy employees? There are many things that contribute, but I have observed over and over again that giving clear expectations is one of keys to employee happiness. This gal's boss is an excellent communicator. In chatting with her, she told me that he:

• tells his people what he expects
• gives them good training 
• gives them the right tools and equipment for the job
• talks to them about how they are doing on the job 
• cares about them personally
• is fair and consistent
• gives perks and rewards for people who go above and beyond
• has a good attitude about his own job

Do you have happy employees? Check this store manager's list. How many of these attributes would your staff say about you? 

Let SHINE Consulting help you have happy employees! Drop me a note and we can chat about how we can make it happen.